Being the Devil: The Federal Government of Nigeria.
Who does an unpleasant thing he said he was yet to conclude upon on a festive day that was four months earlier than he had tentatively scheduled? The Devil is readily given the responsibility of unsavoury actions but he is absolved of this. This time, it is the Federal Government of Nigeria (FGN).
It was only a few weeks ago that the FGN held a Town Hall Meeting on the contentious fuel subsidy removal issue in Lagos. At the end of the meeting, some members of the audience, including a former governor of Ogun State, Olusegun Osoba, commended the FGN’s decision to hold the debate on the fuel subsidy removal issue and the civility the proponents of the action, the government crew led by Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and the opponents, various civil groups showed to each other throughout the debate. Chief Osoba further admonished Mrs. Okonjo-Iweala, the Coordinating Minister for the economy (a position that means and entails nothing but being the unconstitutional Prime Minister as her unquestionable status to subordinating ministers of the various sectors, both seniors and juniors confirms) that she should ensure that similar town hall meetings are held in all the geopolitical zones of the country. The obtained views of Nigerians about the fuel subsidy removal issue will aid the government in reaching a masses-preferred decision before the April 1, 2012 date that had been set for the removal of the fuel subsidy and the consequent steep hike in fuel prices from N65/litre to N144/litre.
In a democratic society, deliberations on unpopular policy moves by the government must continue within set time frame till the masses whom government is for, had made their voices known to the government they gave the ruling privilege. That is a basic democratic principle the FGN led by President Jonathan who was elected in a relatively free and fair election ought to know and uphold. The FGN is however populated by high-handed individuals that have arrogated to themselves the responsibility of thinking what is good and not for the masses. The opinions of the masses do not matter. Those the civil societies gave at the town hall meeting, for example, the one the chairman of the Silverbird group, Ben Murray-Bruce, gave that the FGN, if it must remove the subsidy on fuel, should cushion the hardship the policy will enact on Nigerians by subsidizing the transportation sector such that transport fares will remain at pre-fuel subsidy removal prices, were irrelevant and if they were, insufficient for further deliberations to be held. The FGN jolted logic and removed the subsidy on fuel that a former Minister of Petroleum, Prof. Tam David-West said is non-existent, on the first afternoon of 2012 in a callous move that was clearly to pre-empt civil protests that are being lined up against such action.
In the press statement jointly issued by the Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress yesterday, the FGN was stated to thrive on falsehood and to be untrustworthy. A correct judgement. The FGN is least likely to do any concrete thing on the degenerated infrastructure that it said it removed the subsidy on fuel for. The FGN’s seriousness about capital projects is inherent in the non-completion of the power plants that were contracted almost two years ago. The thoughts of the FGN can hardly be said to be with the degenerated infrastructure, but wherever they are, their devilment must be resisted. We are in a democratic society and President Jonathan and Vice President Sambo will not be eating with an outrageous N1 billion in 2012 while transport fares, market prices and all other prices are doubling their pre-fuel subsidy removal amounts.
She Will Not Be Remembered For Marrying 8 Times (From Daily Times Nigeria)
8 times! 7 guys! Forget the glamour, beauty, fame and money. The diehard moralist market woman will call her an ashewo. To marry two men in a lifetime is enough crime but to now count, Conrad, Michael, Todd, Eddie, Richard, John and Larry! Ah! Were they clothes that ought to be thrown away once dirty? Well, Todd died and Richard was worn twice.
Millions of women in Nigeria stay with their first husbands even if it means paying the prices of swollen eyes, broken teeth, high blood pressure, perpetual headaches and sudden grip of fear when the warrior knocks. Once a child seals wedlock, they are bound by honour to stay, abuses notwithstanding.
It is strange really. Such marriages are bad partnerships, assuming marriage is a business. No savvy partner continues in a hurtful partnership. She opts out. It will only be asset sharing after the dissolution; but what assets?
Marriage is no business partnership; it is an institution people get into easily but must go through excruciating and sometimes humiliating processes to get out of. Often on the local TV station, the customary court heads will demand all the rotten nitty-gritty of dead marriages that ought to be buried eternally to ears, to decide whether or not to grant the complainants’ wish. Continue reading
A Sterling Tale of Crime
Atoto Arere by Oladejo Okediji
Year of Publication: 1981
Publisher: University Press Limited, Ibadan.
I first encountered Atoto Arere by Oladejo Okediji at nine and since then, the novel has been a favourite. However, it has been quite unfair to the author’s brilliance that I have had few individuals to discuss the novel with, in the past ten years. Some people regard tastes for books written in indigenous languages, Yoruba in this case, as uncultured and they go to lengths to avoid being caught in such dark leagues.
This is pathetic because instead of aiding the emergence of James Kirkups, the man who distinctly translated Camara Laye’s French works into English, we are ‘dinosauring’ our indigenous languages. It is cringeworthy; the imbalance contemporary parents create in toddlers and young children. Schools have already vernacularized and would forbid indigenous languages on their premises, yet parents serve the budding sensibilities with English. A family friend believes that an early and total interlocution in English would result in her children’s quick mastery of the language. Well, at least for the perpetuation and possible globalization, of indigenous books, both indigenous and English languages should be learnt simultaneously.
Atoto Arere is about the life of Alaba, a victim of family disintegration. His parents separated when he was eight. His fate fell into hardship almost immediately in the hands of the harsh stepmother. It would not have been so had his father not rebuffed his mother’s attempt to take him with her or had he checked the stepmother’s assaults. As it is inevitable and normal for human beings to seek alleviation for yokes in the strangest of places, Alaba ran to Ibadan with the money he salvaged from the stepmother’s wares. He could not go to his mother’s as it would take only hours before his father would get him back.
From the escape till he got webbed in the rings of crime, it was all vicissitudinous for him. Working on a hint that house-boys were being employed in University of Ibadan’s quarters, he applied to be one. The man he saw could not employ him but had his brother at Ife University to. With the family, his life was fitting into shape before he engaged with the boss’s daughter, Bimpe, who wanted to open her father’s safe box. They were caught. Alaba was dismissed.
It was while roaming Ife that he met Saminu, a central character that would mentor his progression from petty thievery into armed robbery. Saminu was tricky and slippery. He was a bad fate for Alaba’s honest attempts at life. He once left him in the lurch, making away with their joint money. When he reappeared from the ashes of time, he caused Alaba to leave his mechanic work and set him a shop. The shop, that stocked with stolen goods, later sent Alaba to prison.
Saminu was a bad fate for Alaba. Alaba was a fatal fate for Saminu. The one casualty, bank robbery attack that got Saminu executed was carried out by Alaba and Situ, a member of Saminu’s gang, on night Saminu celebrated Alaba’s release from prison.
The novel opens with a poem and closes with two, a feature I am yet to see in any novel. The second chapter satisfies the curiousity aroused by the book’s cover image with the heart palpitating description of Saminu’s execution. One then gets taken off that pedestal with the flashback to Alaba’s beginnings.
In 263 pages, one walks the lives of men who get circumstanced (or not) into crime and with the driving factor of the bank loot stashed somewhere, and everyone wanting it for themselves, the reader is in for a crime thriller that ends rather sadly. The novel is a Yoruba classic. I can only hope for its translation into English.
Assassination: Dear Prospective Politician
Dear Prospective Politician,
You will agree that yesterday’s cold blooded assassination of the ANPP gubernatorial candidate in Borno State, Alhaji Gubri, in front of his house in Maiduguri, is beastly, pitiful and scary. It shows that the chairmen of Nigerian politics have not repented nor gone sober. Outcries of the public and the roars of the security operatives at past assassinations have not touched their hearts. Shouldn’t you be shitting into your pants now? If not for the new lifeline, I would have told you to start this moment.
I hereby introduce Politics Preparatory School. O, don’t get so excited. The dirt of politics will not be taught. What shall be taught are the goodness…that is by the way anyway. The main will be how to 100% prevent yourself from being assassinated. Well, in the path you have chosen, nothing is guaranteed. But be rest assured, if you are felled, your spirit will smile away.
Really? Yes really, you would have given the the chairmen hell. Remember how in primary schools’ fight, the aim of the losing boy is to deal his opponent an unforgettable, deathly blow so as to earn some respect? Good, but you should rather survive.
The goal of the project is to make you a hard nut that will break the audacious teeth. You will be engaged in series of rigorous, military styled drills. Can you see a plus here? No? Eh, you better start thinking fast. Anyway, there will be no pot belly for you! By that, even if you eat all the money in CBN’s vault, your stomach will be as flat as the tummy of a bamboo-fat model. The best part still, is that the drills will be so into you that until you sneak into a country with no Interpol romance, your slender mien will sadistically endear you to many.
Fatness is the sign of good living in our society. Almost all eyes will naively pity your plight. They won’t see how richer than credit-worthy, old Dubai you are. Your only prayer is for EFCC to also walk by sight. But not too worry, there will be no jealousy inspired petition against you.
How happy you are now but make no mistake, the project is no charitable NGO’s. The proprietor will have to pay their bills. You will pay school fees. Hei hei, wonders shall never cease. You of all persons is crying wayo. But who wants to 419 you? Not all Nigerians attempt to make dubious gains from terrible situations, you know. The proprietors are only saving your life but whether the high school fees that will in no way be up to the 10% of your first salary is dearer than your life, you will say, positively to no one.
I will not haggle the fixed fees on behalf of the proprietors. I will only ask you to be useful. Tell your serious friends, no, their apprehensive wives, to apply for their admission forms from training@ppschool.com. Ah, one thing, those with no AK47 defying juju need not apply, the proprietors said.
Yours.
Why It Is Yesterday
What will happen to the researcher who, being crazy enough, decides to record the average times people say yesterday on each new day? Wouldn’t the raw data that will need sorting overwhelm him?
But hey, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein and others did not despair. Our researcher has hope. The steepest of road need not skid a car. Gentle and careful navigation will do the job.
The researcher will have to linear Time. He will have to choose from a pool of testing models. The best and easiest model to choose, being the Family Model, FM. In FM, Yesterday is the oldest, Today is the mid-born while the Future is the youngest.
Assuming X, the sociological structure in family, is positively correlated to his work, he will explore the significance of Yesterday. In African societies, the oldest of a set of offsprings often has very clear functions. He or she is like the second father or second mother to the others. He is the path other follows. He guides their feet, removing stones and glass shards from their ways. He consequently ensures their happiness.
After extensive testings, the researcher that used the Family Model, will be able to emphatically report that in the walk of life, Yesterday (should) leads, Today follows, while young Future will stride or hop on one leg depending on how well the road is cleared.
I know nothing about the report of the researcher that used another model. You can guess.
* This post was inspired by Chuma Nwokolo’s
Why Yesterday? post on his African Writing blog.
On a Nigerian Street
On a Nigerian Street is a fresh blog chronicling the Nigerian living experience. You should check it out. Looking forward to your clicks!
Announcing On a Nigerian Street
On a Nigerian Street is the new blog that I started on the last day of 2010. It opened shop on the 3rd of January, 2011.
The name of the blog says it all. The mix will include everything, ranging from the beauties and the challenges, that is happening on the streets of Nigeria. Tools are snippets, poetry, flash fiction and non fiction, photography and interviews.
Check the blog out here http://onanigerianstreet.wordpress.com
